Friday's Gregalogue: Greg Gutfeld, 03 April 2009

So as President Obama continues to charm the hijabs off foreign dignitaries, he also cannot resist taking jabs at America – or more specifically, that horrible America that existed before he rose to power on a magical thunderbolt. According to the Messiah, "there have been times where America`s shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive," as this pigheaded country revealed "a failure to appreciate Europe`s leading role in the world."

While listening to all this, it dawned on me who Obama really is. He`s mom`s new boyfriend, trying to win over the suspicious offspring with ice cream and Happy Meals, while not so subtly crapping over the biological daddy - that poor soul paying all the bills and currently living in a one bedroom condo off the freeway.

If you ask me, it`s kinda gross. And I`m saying this, knowing that Obama has a sincere goal in smoothing over ruffled feathers. But enough already – at a certain point you have stop throwing your country under the double decker bus in an effort to get people to like you. It`s like the American tourist in a British pub who constantly tells everyone he didn`t vote for Bush. The more you apologize, the wussier you look.

So, enough. The US is the leader of the world, not Europe. And the fact is, we're right more than we're wrong, and we do more good on this planet than the rest of these also-ran countries combined (including Belgium).

Now, I know you can't actually say all of that right now - it's simply not good form.

But you better think it.

'>AOL Glenn Beck Poll by state

this poll is very enlightening.  only a few states don’t like Glenn.. most of the 50 love him.. very much! even my good state of Maryland loves him, but our sister-‘state’, wash d.c., hates him.. awwwwwww.. so sad. lol.

 

PELOSI IS A SAINT?

On a Saturday afternoon, in Washington, D. C., House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's aide visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral.

He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day's sermon, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, "No. I don't really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi's views." Pelosi's aide then said, "Look. I'll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to your church if you'll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint."

The Cardinal thought about it and said, "Well, the church can use the money, so I'll work your request into tomorrow's sermon." As Pelosi's aide promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday sermon and seated herself prominently at the edge of the main aisle.

And, during the sermon, as promised, the Cardinal pointed out that House Speaker Pelosi was present.

Then the Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation -- "While Speaker Pelosi's presence is probably an honor to some, she is not my favorite person. Some of her views are contrary to those of the church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other views. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief.

Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed.

She married for money and is using it to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington, and in California. She simply is not to be trusted."

The Cardinal completed his view of Pelosi with, "But, when compared to Senators Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and John Kerry, House Speaker Pelosi is a saint."

File Attachment: lockbumpingmum.wmv (6608 KB)

This is very scary, please take the time to download and watch it!!!

So very awesome...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started.

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about
3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started.

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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me', and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started .

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =========

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started.

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ========= Still fighting

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started....

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour. The wind was blowing 50 MPH, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's how the fight started ...

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for herself.' And then the fight started ...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' And then the fight started ...